Although the Stardate system, even when
considered in the light of our personalizations of it, is an informative
and accurate dating system, we all know that it lacks much in the way of
comprehensibility. In this light, we here present some of the more important
dates in the history of the Casual in the time-honored Anno Domini
Of course, many of the important events in
the Casual's history have been (at least temporarily) lost in the alcohol-laden
mists within our memories. Occasionally, one of my officers or I will suddenly
have a piercing flash of memory, inspiring us to add more data to the "official"
chronology. If we can drag ourselves to a terminal before some other stimulus
(like a pretty butterfly or some twinkling dust motes) causes us to lose
the train of thought, we'll add what we remember and have Alden check it
against some of his damaged memory units for any semblance of truth. If
he can't dispute it, it gets in.
It should be noted that the gaps in Alden's
memory are the result of sabotage by the nefarious spacegoing missionaries,
the Humbardos, during their ill-conceived attempt to convert the Casual
some years ago. If that sounds entertaining, never fear: The Humbardo experience,
along with many other useless facts, will be detailed in my personal logs
as soon as I can find the data in my closet.
The USS Excelsior , NX-2000, is launched
from San Francisco Naval Yards, Earth. Hikaru Sulu is slated as her first
Captain, but his involvement in the Genesis incident forces his continued
assignment aboard the USS Enterprise.
10 October 2284
The USS Athena, NCC-1834, is launched
from the San Francisco Naval Yards, Earth, under the command of Captain
27 October 2284
The USS Athena departs on her shakedown
cruise. Many departments are understaffed and several ship's systems are
not yet on line.
31 December 2284
Commander Adam Mallory replaces Commander Aurelius
Spartan as Athena's Executive Officer.
The USS Enterprise, NCC-1701, is destroyed
by Admiral James T. Kirk to prevent its capture by Klingons at the planet
known as Genesis.
19 June 2285
After several months in space, crew morale and
efficiency drop to the lowest recorded levels in Starfleet history. Commander
Mallory begins to spend large amounts of time on personal missions aboard
the shuttle Aphrodite.
26 July 2285
Many officers request transfers, most claiming
distrust and fear of Commander Mallory as one of their reasons.
30 November 2285
As a result of consistently low ratings on all
Starfleet performance drills, Athena is recalled to Earth for evaluation.
15 January 2286
Athena returns to duty with several new
officers and crew members. Curiously, many of these new additions are less
capable than the individuals they have replaced. Crew morale reaches an
all time low.
15 March 2286
The USS Athena is reported lost at the
Galactic Barrier during an exploration mission. Multiple systems malfunctions
are cited as the cause. 62% of the crew are rescued by the USS Essex,
16 March 2286
The remaining officers and crew of Athena,
having thwarted an insane attempt by Commander Mallory to destroy the ship, decide
under the influence of alcohol and a lack of rest to defect from Starfleet.
Commander Allan Cormach Erickson is promoted to Captain. The UBS Casual
is officially born.
20 May 2286
The first ship to find the Casual is
the Scout USS Taurus, which sticks around for several days of partying.
13 July 2286
The Casual's Naval Construction Contract
is revoked, leaving us with an unregistered hull.
21 August 2286
Starfleet Command's Admiral Morrow unofficially
recognizes the existence of the Casual and sends us a bunch of neat
29 August 2286
The Casual discovers an ancient derelict asteroid casino. The asteroid is dubbed the Hotel Gemmorah.
12 September 2286
The Hotel Gemmorah opens for business. At the
opening ceremonies, Captain Erickson declares the asteroid a sovereign nation
and proclaims himself God Emperor. Nobody really cares.
29 September 2286
In a fit of boredom, Captain Erickson promotes
himself to Commodore, due to the more starbase-like nature of the asteroid.
21 October 2286
The crew of the Miranda-class frigate
USS Ticonderoga request asylum on the asteroid. They claim that
their new captain was under orders from an Admiral Adam Mallory to destroy
the Casual. The crew mutinied and came to the Casual. The
Ticonderoga crew is granted political asylum and promptly liquored up. The USS
Ticonderoga is claimed as "War Reparations" and renamed the UBS
Relax. Commander Flynn promoted to Commodore and given command of the Relax. Commander
Alexander Sulleven promoted to XO of the Casual.
To avoid further acts of aggression from Admiral
Mallory, the Casual and the Hotel Gemmorah enlist outside aid and
relocate to the Star Desert.
The USS Essex, under the command of
Admiral Adam Mallory, discovers the Casual and attacks. No damage
is caused, and Essex flees after several Casual weapons are
used on her.
As a result of heroic actions resulting in the
salvation of Earth, Admiral James Tiberius Kirk is exonerated of many of
his crimes relating to the Genesis incident and is simply demoted to Captain.
A recently launched Constitution II class vessel, USS Yorktown,
is renamed USS Enterprise and her hull registry is altered to NCC-1701-A.
The new Enterprise is placed under the command of Captain James
Tests on the experimental Transwarp drive
aboard USS Excelsior prove unsuccessful. Nevertheless, the basic
spaceframe design of Excelsior is deemed more than adequate for
all normal starship operations, and further ships of the class are ordered
into production with several modifications, without the Transwarp system.
26 March 2287
Commodore Erickson departs on a five-month journey
through time via the Guardian to visit some of the greatest parties ever
held. Sulleven made Regent-Captain.
30 August 2287
Commodore Erickson returns to the Casual,
convinced no other party in history can quite compare to it.
02 September 2287
The UBS Relax is lost when subliminal
commands within the minds of the former Ticonderoga crew manifest
themselves. The Relax is completely destroyed, and the few remaining
sane officers are returned to the Casual.
18-24 September 2287
22 September 2287
Commodore Flynn is made co-Commanding Officer
of the Casual. Commander Sulleven is promoted to Captain and made
06 October 2287
While celebrating Commodore Flynn's birthday,
the Casual crew discovers an hitherto unknown planet in the Star
Desert populated by small orange humanoids. Because the race was constantly
besieged by enormous predators, the Casual adopted the entire surviving
population of 200 individuals to be our caterers and cleaning crew, mainly
in the Hotel Gemmorah. They are overjoyed.
12 October 2287
Completing a six-week refit, the Casual buys
a set of used and somewhat mismatched Warp nacelles and begins installation.
03 November 2287
Commodores Erickson and Flynn crash a symposium
being held by the officers of the USS Essex. There is much rejoicing.
26 February 2288
Due to a warp envelope instability, the Casual
encounters a wormhole generated by her own engines. Rather than worry, chief engineer
Fugit advises eating the worm. The Casual re-enters normal space
deep in the intergalactic void, millions of light-years from home.
27 February 2288
While stranded, the Casual is attacked by
a Humbardo vessel. The Humbardos claim to be the source of all law,
and are quite upset that mankind has strayed so far from their course.
A missionary is beamed aboard, to determine how best to put mankind
back on track. Unfortunately for the Humbardos, their missionary is
the one converted.
03 March 2288
As the Casual's party supplies ebb, Commander
Hardemann, with the aid of Lt. Commander Havoc, designs
and builds the Flashback Drive in 29 minutes. The device causes everyone
on the ship to believe that they're experiencing a bad trip, and snaps
the Casual back to its former location in the Star Desert.
15 March 2288
While attempting to rescue a pet fish from a
bowl of punch, Captain Sulleven invents Bobbing For Trout, a new
and exciting party game.
13 September 2288
The Federation makes repeated offers to buy
certain alien technology from the Hotel Gemmorah. They are politely refused.
3O December 2289
The Casual is prepared for a premature
climax to the decade. This does not happen, but the celebration is exciting
The USS Excelsior, NCC-2000, finally
receives Captain Hikaru Sulu as Commanding Officer.
20 January 2290
The Casual holds the first of many Klingon
Beach Parties. Since we have no beach and Klingons hate to swim, it works
19 March 2291
The Casual makes a deal with the Federation
to market the technology used in our transporter orgy Comm badges.
Captain James T. Kirk is lost and presumed
dead after an accident aboard the Enterprise-B on her inaugural flight.
22 February 2292
In return for the Hotel Gemmorah's Hallucinodeck
technology, the Casual is granted full access to Memory Alpha, as
well as royalty rights on further manufacture of private-sector units.
To celebrate, we hold the Nude or Nerd Party, and liven up the lives of
the unfortunate geeks who staff Memory Alpha.
02 January 2293
While testing a new drive system, the Casual
innocently attracts the attention of the Borg, who quickly attempt to assimilate us.
To keep this from happening, the crew of the ship and all guests put on
disguises to convince the Borg that we've already been assimilated. It
works; the Borg turn out to be pretty stupid. Commander Thomas is
partially assimilated, and later elects to keep his new assortment of add-on
13 May 2293
The Casual accidentally enters orbit
around a singularity at its event horizon. Commander Havoc uses the Suck-U-Tron
3000 to get the ship free; inadvertently sterilizes the population of a
small planet. Upon our escape, Federation time signals indicate that we've
come forward in time 70 years, to the year 2363. Because there were no
guests aboard at the time, nobody seems to care. The Hotel Gemmorah, which
had been closed for remodeling, is still closed.
23 September 2363
The Casual, heading home after its time-jaunt,
is met by the new Galaxy-class starship USS Yamato. Commodore
Erickson is informed that the Casual was presumed destroyed, and
that several post-mortem accolades had been granted to the ship and its
crew. These are in process of being revoked, due to our survival.
04 October 2363
The Galaxy-class starship USS Enterprise,
NCC-1701-D, is officially commissioned at the Utopia Planitia yards in Mars orbit.
07 December 2363
Using our old access codes, the Casual updates
all its data banks from the Memory Alpha archives. We discover that we're
really, really rich.
14 January 2364
The Casual collects royalty payments
due on Hallucinodeck and CommBadge technology. This makes the Hotel Gemmorah
the richest government known to the Federation.
The Casual enters into a long-term
contract with the Ferengi for party supplies. We will later regret this.
27 February 2367
The Casual and the Hotel Gemmorah are
sued by the Ferengi for numerous bogus reasons. The Casual and the
Hotel are represented by Commodore Flynn, and the Ferengi case is soundly
defeated, leaving the Ferengi to pay up the balance of our contract.
To continue receiving the more esoteric substances
that only the Ferengi can provide, the Casual enters into an agreement
with a very secretive Ferengi female.
13 March 2369
Using data retrieved from Memory Alpha, the
Casual travels to an ancient and apparently abandoned Dyson sphere recently discovered
by USS Enterprise near Norpin V.
12 May 2369
Upon arriving at the Dyson sphere, the Casual
stakes a claim to an abandoned island continent the size of Jupiter and
names it Relaxia. Scouting and colonization parties are sent out, and applications
are taken for more colonists.
15 May 2369
Commander Hardeman and Commander Fugit utilize
a variation of Dejector shield technology to place several satellites in
orbit around the Dyson sphere's star. These inhibit the dangerous radiation
surges and redirect the energy back into the sun, temporarily restoring
it to safety. More permanent solar repair methods are discussed in the
appropriate Roman setting.
22 May 2369
Scouting data indicates that the Dyson Sphere
was built by the same race that constructed the Hotel Gemmorah. Alden quickly
searches for a spherewide datanet he can combine with.
The U.S.S. Voyager, an Intrepid-class
vessel, is lost in the so-called Badlands while pursuing a Maquis vessel.
Voyager is the 5th vessel to be lost mysteriously in this region,
and Starfleet imposes navigational restrictions to prevent further losses.
The U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701-D, is
lost on Veridian III after thwarting an attempt by Dr. Tolian Soran and
the infamous Klingon Duras sisters to destroy the system's star.
The ship's Battle Section is destroyed by a warp core breach resulting
from battle damage with the Duras sisters' ship, but most of the crew is
saved aboard the Saucer Section. The Saucer Section is crash-landed
on the planet's surface and is decommissioned by Starfleet later that year
when salvage is deemed impossible. Captain James Tiberius Kirk, believed
killed in action 73 years previously, appeared mysteriously and assisted
Enterprise Captain Picard in defeating Soran. He died in the
action, and his actual remains are interred near the site of his death
on Veridian III.
17 October 2371
The used Warp nacelles the Casual has
been using reach the end of their warranty period and fail. The Casual
is towed to Starbase 151 for a complete refit. Refit is scheduled to take
3 months, during which all party activities aboard ship must be suspended.
The Hotel Gemmorah is not quite able to take up the slack; a site is sought
for the annual New Year's Eve Eve celebration.
30 December 2371
The Casual leases Deep Space Nine from
a Ferengi agent and holds the first ever Bajoran Sexual Gratification Festival.
13 January 2372
A pair of "gently used" Leeding FWG-1 warp nacelles
(and one of only two sets known to still exist in perfect operating condition)
is procured from the Starfleet Museum. They were originally installed aboard
the Mk IX/A Heavy Cruiser Merrimac, which was used primarily for
low-intensity diplomatic missions. The price paid for them by the Casual
would buy a Galaxy-class starship (or finance a really huge party).
24 January 2372
The staff at Starbase 151 is unable to comprehend
several of the Casual's modifications, and requests aid from several
alien races to complete the refit. Completion will take another 2 months.
11 March 2372
The refit of the Casual is completed
at Starbase 151. Three Starfleet engineers complete doctoral theses on
aspects of the ship's "unique" systems; due to their understanding of the
incomprehensible systems, two of them are signed on as crew.
15 March 2372
The Casual celebrates her (temporal)
10th anniversary by holding the first semi-annual Gladiatorial Games on
the hangar deck. Nobody dies, but several limbs are reattached to the wrong
bodies during a drinking binge in Sickbay. During the festivities, Commodore
Erickson is accidentally poisoned and must spend the rest of the night
as an hallucination.
The Sovereign-class U.S.S. Enterprise, NCC-1701-E, is commissioned.
In a twisted interpretation of Starfleet protocol that seems only to apply
to vessels named Enterprise, her officers and crew are those who
had recently served aboard the Enterprise-D, which was lost at Veridian
III last year.
Several Casual officers are involved in a bizarre transporter
accident and find themselves in an alternate reality, in which all Starfleet
ships and crews bear a striking resemblance to the Casual.
They must sober up and act responsibly to save the Federation from the Dominion's
15 March 2374
Commodore Alexander Sulleven and Commander R. Fugit are requested by
Starfleet Command for assistance in the Dominion War. Sulleven is
made official Barfleet Ambassador to the Federation. Captain Ian
MacLaren promoted to Commodore; Commander Horatio Havoc promoted (against
his will, of course) to Captain.
The Dominion War ends as Odo, a Dominion Founder who has lived in the
Alpha Quadrant for years, links with the Founders' leader. This results
in her being cured of the genocidal Federation-engineered disease affecting
all Founders, as well as giving her a glimpse of Odo's unique experiences
among "solids." With an oath from Odo to return to his homeworld
to provide a cure for all the Founders, the Dominion surrenders to the
Barfleet engineering crews salvage the remains of the Enterprise-D
Saucer Section from Veridian III. It is refurbished and mounted to
the Hotel Gemorrah as a revolving restaurant.
Lieutenant Reginald Barclay, formerly of the USS Enterprise and
frequent guest of the Casual, succeeds in contacting the missing
U.S.S. Voyager, which has been missing for almost 5 years and was
presumed lost until spurious communication was achieved last year.
Voyager is actually in the Delta Quadrant, and is making her way
home. Starfleet Admiral Parris assures Captain Janeway of Voyager
that Starfleet will continue its efforts to bring the ship and crew home
and to find a means of regular communication in the near future.
Governor Flynn announces the discovery of a massive shipyard facility
within the Dyson Sphere. Commander Fugit is reassigned from Starfleet
Engineering Liaison to the Relaxia Colony as an "Engineering Consultant"
to supervise salvage operations. He "accidentally" takes several
gigaquads of Starfleet design data with him.
(More to come when we remember what happened
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