As a cruise-type ship, the Casual is required to provide some form of organized entertainment for our esteemed guests, along with our own off-duty personnel and any stowaways we may be carrying. During our early days, we were content to simply let matters take their own course and speed, with various activities springing forth from the clouded and deranged minds of all participants. Several months (and a few too many brushes with total annihilation) later, we have become somewhat more organized. From the broken remains of our more spectacular chaos-planned events, there has emerged a small list of "standard" recreational activities that many of our guests have come to know and love.

We would like to strongly advise our guests not to attempt any of these activities on their own; we are trained, reckless professionals. If you should choose to disregard this advice and pursue any of these entertainment's covertly in the privacy of your own home system, we only have one thing to ask: SEND PHOTOS.

[excerpted from the UBS Casual Guest Guide, provided in each and every stateroom]

On-Board Mini-Casino

Although the Hotel Gemmorah is well-equipped with modern and antique gambling facilities, there are times when the Casual is actually traveling somewhere and needs an independent casino. The ship's Arboretum has been converted for this purpose, providing a multilevel gambling environment with modular game systems capable of handling up to 80 guests. Games include Poker, Blackjack, Craps, Slots, Roulette, Spin the Bottle, Domjon, Fokkers and Spads, Dabo, Blue Max, World Domination, Baccarat, Danger Chess, Spinal Tap, and Bet I Can Chop Off Your Right Hand.

In addition to the games, there are two full service Dispensaries in the casino and a platoon of Barbies on duty at all times. (First time guests are urged to take care in attempting to keep pace with drinking Barbies and/or Kens; they have been bioengineered with the tolerance of a Pervert.)

Party Games

[please refer to the Party Games Page]

Medicinal Symposium

In our never-ending quest to find new and exciting (non-lethal) beverages for our Dispensaries, the Casual has a monthly Medicinal Symposium which is attended by Medical professionals and mixologists from many of the know races. The Symposium has become renowned throughout the imbibing areas of the Milky Way for it's brash, in-your-face approach to drink analysis, a procedure pioneered by Commodore Flynn many years ago which dispenses with such subtleties as bouquet, presentation, and clarity and replaces them with much more sophisticated trials, such as aftertaste, side effects, and recovery time.

The Symposium is open to guests of the Casual, but all passengers who wish to volunteer as test sub...tasters must have a waiver on file with the insurance firm of Zank's of Ferengenar.

Live Entertainment

Like all cruise vessels, the Casual employs a variety of live entertainers for the enjoyment and edification of our guests. As expected, the live entertainment found aboard the Casual will be found nowhere else in the galaxy.

Typical entertainment acts include the daily Lions Vs. Party Marines experience in the crew's mess, Lifeboat Drills, the 3D Punch and Judy and Mistress Pain Show, New Weapons Testing, the Running of the Bulls on Deck 12, Mudd the Magnificent's Babe-o-Rama, General Quarters, The Grateful Dead, The Orion Nude Cabaret, Revised Klingon Opera for Bass Guitar and Sax, Explosive Decompression, and Confuse-a-Captain.

Weekly Costume Ball

Each Saturday, the Casual holds a costume ball on the Hangar Deck. It's an unparalleled chance to meet people and drink heavily with them, then try to seduce them back to your stateroom. Prizes are awarded for Most Original, Most Unoriginal, Most Repulsive, Most Visible Skin, Most Likely to Cause Nausea, Most Drop-Dead Gorgeous, Most Kirklike, and Most Likely to Get Into Bed with the Captain.

Rumor has it that many Starfleet officers attend the Ball on an irregular basis who would not otherwise be caught dead within ten parsecs of the Casual. This may be the reason that at least one of the weekly prizes has been won by a single individual more than 12 times...

Wet Tunic Contests

Need we say more?

Zero-G Periods

At random intervals throughout the day, unconnected areas of the Casual are plunged without warning into a zero-G state. This can be loads of fun, but there are certain safeguards you should consider when attempting to revel in these areas.

Colonial Recruitment

One of our more entertaining activities in recent months has been our ongoing campaign to recruit volunteers for the newly founded colony of Relaxia. The process is continuous, and we strive to keep it behind the scenes, but occasionally the recruitment procedures spill over into the easygoing activities of the ship.

From the dawn of history, there have always been individuals who fare well at almost any calling in life save one...Gambling. These individuals have shared a collective name since before paper was made from trees. We call them...Losers.

In the past, big-time losers were a rarity aboard the Casual, where our insane need to ensure a good time for all led to the cancellation, extension, or "working off" of literally millions of credits' worth of gambling debt. Now that we have a need for an endless supply of manual labor, however, our...leniency has taken on new dimensions. Now, when you incur a debt equal to or greater than 10x what you boarded with, you are given three options:

  1. Conversion to a "Barbie" or "Ken" for a period of two Terrain years
  2. Hard labor (and free booze off-duty) on the colony of Relaxia, along with free land and salvage rights
  3. Donation of any three body organs, to include the genitalia

Needless to say, since the first day of the new policy, we have had an enormous number of debtees flocking to Relaxia in return for a homestead, free alcohol, and plenty of open space. (It has been calculated by Alden that even with every male aboard the Casual and the Hotel performing acts of extraordinary virility on an hourly basis, it will take at least 7,500 years for us to fill up the small area of the Dyson Sphere that we've claimed; it would take something like 289,000 years to fill up the entire interior surface (provided that the real owners don't come back before then and start charging us retroactive rent).

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