Ship's Dispensary

The Casual on her way home during a covert Beer Run.
The Casual on her way home during a covert Beer Run.

Like all starships, the Casual has a fully stocked and carefully inventoried Dispensary, chock full of powerful medicinal substances and nifty anatomical illustrations. In fact, we have more than one. And as on other vessels, our Dispensaries are staffed twenty-four hours a day by highly trained medical professionals dedicated to filling your medicinal needs as quickly and as efficiently as possible. So what's different?

On the Casual, the term "Dispensary" is a cleverly misleading (yet subtly obvious) term for "Bar."

When the Casual first declared independence from Starfleet and the Federation, we had very few potent potables of the non-replicated variety on board. Realizing that this shortage would doom our entire Barship scheme to an early and sober demise, we quickly set about correcting it. The persons most qualified to produce replacement beverages of medicinal grade were, of course, the Medical staff. When Doctor Flynn brought the first batch of his hastily prepared Andorian Feeler Ale to the bridge during our first week as renegades, he secured a place for the Casual's Medical staff for all eternity.

Because we are a Barship, and because the Medical staff handles the bars, we tend to have more Medical personnel aboard than any other twenty ships could ever need. The advancements brought about in Casual technology by the discovery of the Hotel Gemmorah have allowed us to tailor each and every beverage to the individual guest's particular taste, weight, palate, and desire. Data obtained by Alden during a guest's transport aboard is used to determine which combinations of ingredients will produce the desired effect on the guest. Thus, each Medical officer requires an intimate knowledge of all things alcoholic in order to prepare the combinations that Alden suggests. (We do occasionally have accidents; there's the story of the Pakled captain who spent three days trying to twist the top off a German beer...)

Unfortunately, the interface you are presently viewing does not allow all those nifty guest-pleasing features to function. (Havoc is hard at work, though...) To make up for this obvious shortcoming, my Chief Medical Officer and I have prepared a list of beverages which we are sometimes forced to make when separated from the advanced medical facilities of the Casual. There are only a few at the moment, but rest assured that more are being worked on around the clock by desperately inebriated doctors and nurses with absolutely no concept of "recommended dosage" or "interaction precautions." We hope you enjoy them. If not, well...have another!

Romulan Ale

Everybody's favorite blue booze! There are any number of recipes for this potent beverage, and we've borrowed from a few to make our own unique version. And there's an added bonus...if it does happen to come back up later, it's still blue!
In a shaker with ice, mix:

  • 2.5oz Blue Curacao
  • 1.5oz Vodka (80 proof for Ensigns' Grade, 100 proof for Commanders' Grade, or 151 proof for Flag Officers' Grade)
  • 1.0oz Amaretto
  • 0.5oz Sweet Vermouth
  • 0.5oz Midori
  • Strain into a tall glass
  • Mix with 6.0oz Zima
  • Add blue food coloring to enhance the appearance
  • For a full batch, multiply all ingredients x8 to make 3 quarts

  • Klingon Blood Wine

    We've had real Klingon Blood Wine, and believe me, it's every bit as good as it sounds. Our carefully tested substitute version has a number of improvements over the real thing; for instance, when spilled, we don't have to write off the bar surface to corrosive damage.
    In a shaker with ice, mix:

    • 1.5oz Mad Jack
    • 1.5oz Vodka (80 proof for Ensigns' Grade, 100 proof for Commanders' Grade, or 151 proof for Flag Officers' Grade)
    • 1.0oz Cinnamon Schnapps
    • 0.5oz Strawberry Schnapps
    • 0.5oz Kahlua
    • 0.5oz Grenadine
  • Strain into a tall glass
  • Mix with 6.0oz grapefruit juice
  • For a full batch, multiply all ingredients x8 to make 3 quarts

  • Casualty

    This one is a favorite of many Yo!Women! aboard the Casual. Along with its alcoholic content, it's also a wonderful breath-freshener!

    In a shaker with ice, mix:

    Skin of Evil

    Like it's namesake, this is a rude little bastard with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. If you need to get rid of an officer (or your scruples) in a hurry, this is the drink for you.

    In a dirty glass with a single human hair, mix:

  • Drink it quick and order another
  • Avoid persons with whom you hope to have future meaningful relationships

  • Wormhole

    This aptly named beverage has all the normal qualities that it's name suggests. Beautiful, abruptly appearing and disappearing, and full of unknown elements, this drink is guaranteed to transport you great distances in an amazingly brief span of time...and leave you there with no reliable way home. Think of it as the drink with the built-in adventure!

    In a shaker with ice, mix:



  • For a full batch, multiply all ingredients x16 to make 3 quarts
  • Watch the swirling orange vortex for a bit
  • Remember that a second pass through the wormhole may not get you back to your starting point

  • Yukon Torpedo

    For years, the dedicated medical staff of the Casual has sought in vain for a way to provide our guests with the devastating effects of our favorite FTL weapon in a simple, easy-to-consume beverage form. They're still working on it, but in the meantime we have something more than dangerous enough to earn the name.

    In a large glass, mix:



    (Consumption by undeveloped races may be considered a violation of the Federation Prime Directive)

    McCoy's Secret Horta Restorative and Blindness Cure

    Once in a while, after a few good missions, we start noticing a buildup of almost-empty bottles beneath the bar. Like most people, we decided to do something about it. What's the difference? Ours has a better name.

    In a large mason jar or jug, mix:


  • Wait until everybody's too far gone to be properly terrified
  • Keep away from open flame, finished surfaces, and stomach lining

  • Boot to the Head

    It's always difficult to balance the need to consume large quantities of alcohol with the need to stay awake deep into the night.  As a result, we sometimes find ourselves worrying about passing out before we have a chance to make sure that the guests are all safely back in their quarters, or the proper contributions have been made to McCoy's Secret Horta Restorative and Blindness Cure.  To make sure we can be both properly inebriated and wide awake, we developed the Boot to the Head.

    In a shaker with ice, mix:


  • If you drink too many, you may never sleep sober again.
  • Like any boot to the head, this one can sometimes sneak up on you...especially the next morning.  

  • Experimental Beverages

    The following drinks are currently in the developmental stage. They have yet to be tested under actual party conditions, and are therefore not necessarily safe for human consumption. Experimentation on unsuspecting life-forms has been scheduled, however, and may take place as early as our next planned mission.

    In the interim, we invite you, our guests, to perform field testing on these drinks and report back on their efficiency, flavor, and casualty rate.

    If you have any experimental recipes of your own that you'd like the Casual to run some tests on, either send the recipe to the CMO or enter them into the Guest Log. We'll get back to you with the results of our experiments as quickly as we can. (The more successful the tests, the longer it may take to get test results.)

    There are presently no experimental drinks in the Dispensary inventory.

    Created: 5/30/96 Updated: 5/9/06

    Back to the UBSBack to the UBS Casual Page