The normal Actives onboard the UBS Casual may seem like all fun and games but your Security teams are hard at work ensuring things stay that way.

   "I'm getting really sick of this" declares Chief of Security, CMDR Jon Thomas. "This is the fourth ´accidental´ Ken & Barbie release this week. I mean the Dazer storage break-in wasn't so bad, but the bit with the Urinal Cake swap was going too far. The Galley is still trying to get it all sorted out.

   The Captain is denying any connection between his recent promotion and CMDR Thomas' workload.

   At this point CMDR Thomas ended the interview saying, "It has just been reported that someone has been playing around with the Transporter filter setting again. We must be cautious.

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   After his "research" trip to ancient Rome, COMM Erickson mustered the crew to have a full Roman-stlye bath added to his stateroom.

   Crewman Tepic was shocked that he was called out of his Jeffery's Tube to actually dust something during the renovation. CMO Darvis installs the anatomically-correct Confuse-a-Captain doll while Izzy supervises.

   A random crewman involved in the reconstruction told this reporter, "I've never seen a more wretched hive of fun and iniquity."

   Tours for groups over 20 are available through CAPT. Von Matic for a modest bribe (payable in advance).

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It don't mean nothin'